6/23/2009
Aloha people! It's been long since my last post I guess, sometimes tumblr is more interesting y'know than this blogger site, but I stick to both of them anyways :D You could check out my tumblr account here www.beingmorbid.tumblr.com, yeah I change the url once in a while :D
So, here's the thing. I am so soaked of waiting, I have always hated waiting for so long. Now I am currently in Changi, Singapore waiting for my flight that boards later, and I am too lazy to do anything else so I decided to post (there's no msn here, fuck it). Gah, this is taking tooo long, my flight boards at two or three and now it's currently one o'clock (okay, I am being a bit unpatient.....).
Speaking of long times, I am going to spend 8 fugly hours inside the plane, thank god I brought my ipod, two novels and my PSP to keep me from getting bored. Mom said that the plane has virtual games too in case my PSP's battery is dead, so thank god for that.
I will be arriving in Brisbane at midnight, that means it's already Nisa's birthday, so I guess I am going to congratulate her earlier. I guess I will be waiting some more for the 2nd of July, the day I get home......
I am already missing a few people here.
6/21/2009
Gigi: I would rather be like that, then be like you.
Alex: Excuse me? What's that supposed to mean?
Gigi: I may dissect each little thing and put myself out there so much but at least that means that I still care. Oh! You've think you won because women are expendable to you. You may not get hurt or make an ass of yourself that way but you don't fall in love that way either. You have not won. You're alone. I may do a lot of stupid shit but I'm still a lot closer to love than you are.
Surrounded by a shield, inside there’s someone welled up.
He doesn’t trust anyone. ANYONE.
He draws you in slowly, making you want to know more, and more….
but then he’ll leave, what an utter disappointment.
He describes his feelings with words, his thoughts with actions,
you think you know him more than you do, but you don’t.
He pursues his anger into hate, his sadness into fake smiles,
He looks tough, but yet he faces breakdowns you could never imagine.
He’s my idol. He’s complex, yet very predictable for me.
6/20/2009
6/18/2009
Hey readers. It’s me again. Same old, same old.
What I wanted to post about today is…..well, that’s right, problems with family. I know that all of you have this problem, yet we are all unique, our problems are different, some with fighting parents, some with raging mothers, some with overprotective fathers, some with careless folks……..I don’t know. I guess you know what I mean.
Well my problems are quite unique and different. And I don’t usually share, if it’s not really important (this has the same meaning as if the problems don’t make me cry big time). Trusting people easily is the gift that I have not accepted. I think negative thoughts sometimes, that’s why, but I do enjoy writing stuff in my blog, so I guess there’s no harm in telling stories. Here we go…
First, my family struggles to be a normal family, which I think we are. But families are supposed to be the ones that understand you the most, and get this, I am afraid of talking casually with my own dad. Ha. I don’t meet my family that often, since I do get out of the house oftenly and so does my mom and dad. My dad is a busy guy, he gets out of the house really early and goes home real late. Sure, he gets along with all my friends and all that…..but he doesn’t really get along with me.
I was, and am, always the one that has to understand. My dad, he doesn’t care about my feelings. I know this sounds overly dramatic, but I am just trying to put it in simple words. Get this, again, my dad doesn’t let me cry. He’ll go fvckin mad if I do. He said it was to train my skill of controlling my emotions, so that I’ll be strong, and I’ll be able to face my fears when I become a grown up. But according to me, this doesn’t make sense. To be honest, I am not that strong when it comes to family problem, and I’ll hide inside my room and the tears will soon drop down when I get into breakdowns. Of course, my dad will never know. And yeah, don’t think that mommy will understand, because she won’t.
I have to be the role model for my brother and sisters, and I am trying really hard to be. I want to make my parents proud soooooo bad…..ask my friends, they’ll get it. But literally, I can’t stand the yelling, the fights, the cries, the questions, the truth, the lies…….everything. Kati said that it’s just sensitive feelings, bad moods, or maybe it’s just my thoughts……but I know it isn’t just my thoughts. It’s for real. I sometimes wish that this all is just a bad dream, and I could wake up, without carrying my thoughts, weights, and emotions……oh please, just wake me up.
I am lost of words. I can’t explain anything else.
