from nowhere, to now here.

Hey readers. It’s me again. Same old, same old.

What I wanted to post about today is…..well, that’s right, problems with family. I know that all of you have this problem, yet we are all unique, our problems are different, some with fighting parents, some with raging mothers, some with overprotective fathers, some with careless folks……..I don’t know. I guess you know what I mean.

Well my problems are quite unique and different. And I don’t usually share, if it’s not really important (this has the same meaning as if the problems don’t make me cry big time). Trusting people easily is the gift that I have not accepted. I think negative thoughts sometimes, that’s why, but I do enjoy writing stuff in my blog, so I guess there’s no harm in telling stories. Here we go…

First, my family struggles to be a normal family, which I think we are. But families are supposed to be the ones that understand you the most, and get this, I am afraid of talking casually with my own dad. Ha. I don’t meet my family that often, since I do get out of the house oftenly and so does my mom and dad. My dad is a busy guy, he gets out of the house really early and goes home real late. Sure, he gets along with all my friends and all that…..but he doesn’t really get along with me.

I was, and am, always the one that has to understand. My dad, he doesn’t care about my feelings. I know this sounds overly dramatic, but I am just trying to put it in simple words. Get this, again, my dad doesn’t let me cry. He’ll go fvckin mad if I do. He said it was to train my skill of controlling my emotions, so that I’ll be strong, and I’ll be able to face my fears when I become a grown up. But according to me, this doesn’t make sense. To be honest, I am not that strong when it comes to family problem, and I’ll hide inside my room and the tears will soon drop down when I get into breakdowns. Of course, my dad will never know. And yeah, don’t think that mommy will understand, because she won’t.

I have to be the role model for my brother and sisters, and I am trying really hard to be. I want to make my parents proud soooooo bad…..ask my friends, they’ll get it. But literally, I can’t stand the yelling, the fights, the cries, the questions, the truth, the lies…….everything. Kati said that it’s just sensitive feelings, bad moods, or maybe it’s just my thoughts……but I know it isn’t just my thoughts. It’s for real. I sometimes wish that this all is just a bad dream, and I could wake up, without carrying my thoughts, weights, and emotions……oh please, just wake me up.

I am lost of words. I can’t explain anything else.